1. Several months before the proposed holidau, make sure all vacational qualifications are in order. Prepare an Architects Schedule of Holiday and get it checked by your insurers before submission to family members for approval.
2. Consultation (with Brochures) should be carried out in a professional manner. Liability should be limited excluding:
- any destination lacking items of verifiable architectural interest
- anywhere unrecognised by the Archi-Tourist
- anywhere recently bombed by the US, unless a "working holiday" is planned.
3. SOle vacationers are reminded that speculative holidays are undertaken at the discretion of the architect, and may not necessarily result in remuneration
4. Architects unable to take a holiday are advised to find a reliable sole practitioner who is prepare to as a a holiday locum eg. sending pre-signed postcards and sub-contracting mild forms of gastric flu.
5. Before deaparture remember to cancel newspapers, milk and dress sense.
6. Upon arrival at the hotel, inform staff and other guests of your occupation. This will allow them time to prepare for intelligent discourse in the dining room.
7. If self-catering, remind family members of your occupation in order to secure and maintain control of the daily itinery
8. If holidaying alone, remind yourself of your occupation by looking at yourself in the bathroom mirror in an urbane manner.
9. Once you've unpacked, start sketching immediately. If it is too dark to sketch landscape, simply sketch everything you've unpacked.
10. If holidaying in the UK, wake up two hours earlier than your partner and secretly study the local volume of Pevsner's The Buildings of Britain. Leave in a hurry after breakfast and "forget" to bring it with you. During the day, offer spotaneous insights into every building you "stumble across." Later, over dinner, you can both check in Pevsner to see if you were right!
11. Seek out local exhibitions of art, examine each piece carefully, maintain a enigmatic aura, leave without saying anything to anyone.
12. When setting up your easel at a popular beauty spot make sure your professional accreditation is clearly visible, so passers-by know whom they're dealing with.
13. Wear appropriate clothing. Tips for men: novelty blouson, khaki shorts with lots of pockets, knee-length socks. Women: fluourscent headband, 50s cotton print dress, hiking boots.
14. When in Italy, do spend hours taking a single photograph because, "I wait for the right kind of light, my friend." Say it in Italian, its charming.
15. When settling a restaurant bill, scribble a vivacious "urban scene" with your fountain pen next to your signature. It will delight the staff, and may be left in lieu of a tip.
16. Audit all boat trips, guided tours and areas of outstanding natural beauty for sustainability and WC provision
17. When camping, enunciate
18. If planning time on the beach, calculate the projected sweep of the sun with an electronic sextant before erecting a self-designed polymer parasol.
19. Do not arrive too early when catching a train/plane/coach or boat. Remember, you are an architect. It will not leave without you.
20. On return, be aware that everyone you know, however slightly, will be keen to see slides. Those unable to attend the official slide show should be sent a full set of images as email attachments. Do not comprimise your professional standing by over-compressing them. Each is a defining moment and is worth at least 2.5Mb.
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